she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
