you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
