Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
