I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
