I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
