Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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