I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
