This is not my ceiling
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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