do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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