I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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