so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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