So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
