Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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