there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
