Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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