I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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