I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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