Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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