He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
