No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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