Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
