can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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