I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
