It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
