i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
