Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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