i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
