Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
