69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
