Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
