A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
