oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She bit a glass in half.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
