Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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