she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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