u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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