so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
