Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
