She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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