My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
