so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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