proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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