remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
