Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
are you so shy because you have an std?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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