I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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