It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
