I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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