No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize