just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
