We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
