just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
