Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize