I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize