My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize