i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
