Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize