i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
