You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
