Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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