He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
