He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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