on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
