dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
