If i come over, it means nothing
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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