Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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