u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
