Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
