So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
