yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
