It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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