I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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