I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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