My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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