I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
