new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
