i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
