jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
