Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
