My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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