Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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