He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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