I only kidnapped one of them. chill
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
