Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
