plz talk dirty to me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
